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Be Yourself, and Be Like Her.

Without a fail, this makes me smile. And I aspire to be like this 4 year old SUPERSTAR.

“I like my hair. I like my haircuts. I like my house. I like my cousins. I like my life!”

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Shut Up

So today I want to share about my experiences about recognizing and then talking to that negative criticism in your own mind.  

I remember one day last week waking up and the first thought, the very first thought I had was “Woah, you’re fat.”  And then literally, the rest of my day I felt the weight of that comment (which was yes, from myself).  And it is absolutely crazy and also not okay. Would you spend time with someone who, the minute you woke up, said “hey you’re fat.”  No, I would not return that person’s phone calls or text messages.  What about someone you had to spend the rest of your life with? Like your partner or spouse.  What if you wake up and open your eyes and the first thing they say is something negative about your appearance, character, or something random.  Divorce that person immediately.  Divorce that part of your mind who is constantly putting you down.  It’s time to have a divorce and never look back.  

1. Stop Criticizing Yourself

Just stop.  Who needs that.  You made a mistake. You made a HUGE mistake.  Guess what, we all did.  Your mom did, your grandpa did, I did, that guy over there made 5 mistakes before he even had breakfast.  Just stop all criticism.  And don’t do that thing where you keep second guessing yourself as you’re already doing it.  If you’ve already decided to do something just do it and help yourself through it, instead of saying ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE NOW.” It’s such a stressful way to live, and besides you’re already on your way.  Instead, give yourself a pat on the back for being courageous and taking initiative.

2. Be More Open to the Positive 

You know those advertisements of BEAUTIFUL sun-tanned, air-brushed, tall models towering over you everywhere (especially in Los Angeles).  Those advertisements sometimes can be negative in the sense they are supposed to point out what viewers lack and apparently need.  But then, there are also some positive and real messages out there you might need to start recognizing.  As little as they are, they can be the big ones.  I absentmindedly passed the bathroom sign at an Italian restaurant yesterday and then doubled back to it and the door said “bella“.  The bathroom sign told me I was beautiful yesterday.  Does your grandma think you’re a handsome guy?  Remember the nice things people wrote to you in cards or yearbooks? They still apply, be open the the positive.  It’s hidden but it is so there. 

3. Say Shut Up

Sometimes, you just have to do it.  Say SHUT UP when the negative voice is trying to make an appearance, especially at the beginning of the day.  Why? Just because the negative voice has NO place in your life.  None whatsoever.  It’s like a weed in your garden.  If you don’t pull it up right then and there, it will spread and your garden will just be a square of weeds.  You can’t afford not to! So curse at it.  Scare it.  Freak it out.  Just make sure it doesn’t come back. 

 

 

How I Struggle With Vulnerability

And how it compares to how porcupines struggle in the cold.  

The hedgehog’s dilemma, or sometimes the porcupine dilemma, is an analogy about the challenges of human intimacy. It describes a situation in which a group of hedgehogs all seek to become close to one another in order to share heat during cold weather. They must remain apart, however, as they cannot avoid hurting one another with their sharp spines. Though they all share the intention of a close reciprocal relationship, this may not occur, for reasons they cannot avoid. (Source: Wikipedia)

I find this so interesting and so sad.  

I have had this deep, irrational fear of being a stage five clinger to anyone I meet and that in turn causes me to run like hell in the other direction.  So I’ve thought, that for a very long time, it is difficult for people to get close to me.  

It’s a very lonely way to live. Always at arm’s distance from you.  I feel like maybe you don’t want to spend time with me or I would bother you if I tried to hang out with you too much.  Contrasted with also a feeling of desire to be seen and held and really embraced.  But I won’t let you in. This is one of the hardest human contradictions I have faced.  What do you think about it? 

Identity – Choose it

I’m loving this blog because it’s making me realize more and more who I am.  I was as lost as a person could be.  I listened to the world’s opinion of me, thought about it for a long time but then realized it wasn’t who I was.  I listened to my parent’s idea of me, thought about it and it wasn’t it.  I didn’t know.  I never knew and I never had a consistent idea or description of who I was. 

It didn’t help that I listened to myself too all the time tell me really terrible and awful things.  

“I’m fat.”

“I’m ugly.”

“Don’t do that! They’ll think you’re so weird, which you are.”

“You’re never going to be good at that.”

Thankfully, I became aware of these detrimental thoughts and once I was more aware I slowly and gently let them go.  What helped? The fact that these things are simply not true.  And it comes back to identity!  My own identity is still being shaped by times to come, it is still not a consistent, solid thing.  But, the important thing is what it’s not shaped by.  It’s not shaped by what other people think, what other people expect, what I even expect.  And also, my ‘identity’ is not even that important! The thing is, if you make one thing or some thing your identity but it’s one day lost it could be the hardest thing to lose and your happiness will go with it.  Your career, your hobby, no that’s not your identity.  We are all people before we are anyone or anything else.  

If you make your identity about something you cannot lose such as the values you hold close to your heart, it cannot be shaken.