I Don’t Wanna be Anyone Else But Myself

“Finally I am coming to the conclusion that my highest ambition is to be what I already I am.”

-Thomas Merton

As I was driving to teach today, I was struck with the fact that I don’t want to be anyone else besides myself right now. Which is a crazy concept, coming from the girl who always was looking at the world through rose colored glasses where everything was better out there than in here. (Moments before, an attractive young woman the same age as me sped past in a Range Rover and I couldn’t help but think in my mind: “That hair!”)

If you had a dog, I wanted a dog. And I wanted mine to be just like yours. If you were young, I wanted to be young like you and have my whole life ahead of me to learn and grow. If you were old, I wanted the same life experience, wisdom, and maturity as you and was unhappy if I couldn’t achieve that. If I was completely honest with myself, a lot of my life was filled with envy and wanting what I simply didn’t and couldn’t have.

Today on my philosophical drive, I let that obsession go. I can’t be everyone and anything and in striving to be, I lose so much of myself and the good in me becomes very hard to see or manipulated. I’ve admired characteristics in other people that I didn’t see in myself and then agonized over that disparity for far too long while overlooking the good characteristics I had.

Simply put: Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. – Malcom Forbes.

Let me tell you, you are a force to be reckoned with. You have it all within you as you are now. There’s a lot of good in me, and there sure as hell is a lot of good in you. Overvalue it, make it who you are.

Lastly…a good reminder from Brene Brown talking about swimming: Morning swims are great reminders for the day: Stay in your own lane. Comparison kills creativity & joy.

Don’t do what I did with the girl with great hair on the freeway. Her lane was taking her to who knows where and who cares? All I can do is focus on my lane and find the joy in being where I am and who I am.

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