Noticing

My dad woke up early today to take my car to get the oil changed.  Not a problem but then towards 12:30pm I was at work and started to realize I was really hungry but didn’t have my car because my dad had it.  He said he would come by and I could drive him to my mom and then come back to work.

I didn’t realize but as I walked out of work I was one: hangry, two: ashamed that my dad had to do errands for me (but he truly did it out of the kindness of his heart I didn’t demand that he do it) and three: in such a work mode I hated to be pulled from work at that moment.

As we drove all these feelings kept building and I was the rudest.  I was on my phone.  I didn’t listen to anything my dad was saying about how he got the best deal.  I was a brat and said things like “I didn’t ask you to do this!” As we got to the food place, my dad sensed my mood and said it’s fine I’ll pay for your food and then go wait for mom somewhere else.

I exclaimed, “No! You already did my oil change for me you cannot pay for me too I feel like I’m four years old!” and I was half laughing but also so serious.  And the thing is too, I never thought I was the kind of person who was the “I have to get back to the office” kind of person.  It scared me a little.  At Champagne French Bakery, I ordered but not how I usually order…I sort of barked at the person behind the counter and said “What’s vegetarian here?” And he told me everything with a leaf next to it is vegetarian.  I saw no leaves.  I chose something and sat down and scowled next to my dad.  I bought him a Diet Coke to make ME feel better.  My mom joined us and I continued to scowl.  In the span of 10 minutes I got up and checked on my food three times, glaring at the workers each time I went in.  In that exact one moment I knew that I was living a lesson.  If you haven’t seen About Time you absolutely must.  It is the best movie I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Pretty much the movie and the quotes came rushing to me full force and I couldn’t help but smile inwardly even though outside I was this scowling high heeled no funny business baby adult lady.

Tim: And so he told me his secret formula for happiness. Part one of the two part plan was that I should just get on with ordinary life, living it day by day, like anyone else.

Tim: But then came part two of Dad’s plan. He told me to live every day again almost exactly the same. The first time with all the tensions and worries that stop us noticing how sweet the world can be, but the second time noticing. Okay, Dad. Let’s give it a go.

Tim: And in the end I think I’ve learned the final lesson from my travels in time; and I’ve even gone one step further than my father did: The truth is I now don’t travel back at all, not even for the day, I just try to live every day as if I’ve deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life.

I don’t know if you’ll fully understand this blog post without watching About Time.  But the point is, I…happiness seeker smiley quote-loving Andi… slip. I get in these foul moods where I’m a wrecking ball of anger and sadness.  It like seeps onto people and effects the atmosphere.  I focus on things like work and getting $ over cherishing time with people who love me.  I can be ungrateful, selfish, and unkind.  Just the absolute worst.  But the pivotal thing is to just realize.  Just realize that life comes with tension and uncomfortable moods and circumstances, and that’s the beauty of life.  You have to live it, but live it appreciating.  Appreciating every little thing.  Breathe.  Several times a day, just breathe.  Things aren’t as bad as they appear.  They never are as scary as you imagine.  Scary things will happen…

Tim: There’s a song by Baz Luhrmann called Sunscreen. He says worrying about the future is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life will always be things that never crossed your worried mind.

But I assure you, you have everything within you to face whatever life is throwing at you.  Breathe it out.  Live with all those little things.  Tim has an ability to live things twice.  And we only get to once.  But when you’re living, live the second time. “The first time with all the tensions and worries that stop us noticing how sweet the world can be, but the second time noticing.”

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