I had a long drive ahead of me to Beverly Hills. I hate listening to the radio on long drives but I also had to delete all of my applications so I could have enough space for Pokemon Go. That meant without Pandora I had to default to good old Youtube. I searched a few songs I was liking at the moment when suddenly in the “Suggested For You” sidebar a song I hadn’t listened to or thought of in years popped up.
Not a big deal, right? NO. It was a big deal because it was a BUS (Break Up Song). BUS definition: A song or set of lyrics that help you cope during the end of a relationship.
I clicked it, knowingly, and suddenly my car became a time machine filled with clouds and memories that I had long forgotten. ALL the feels came back. I felt the heavy sadness that outlined my life from “that time”. And it was kind of neat. It was neat in the sense that I knew I was listening to this song and feeling these things but not from being in it but apart from it and simply observing it.
In the fog of sad memories and feelings of self-pity there was a mightier and small but fierce cry within that was triumphant. Almost like that voice was saying “I knew you could do it. You’ve come so far. This no longer affects you. You can be grateful for every experience.” So with a renewed sense of empowerment, I started thinking of all the other BUS Songs and I couldn’t stop. I had a BUS party by myself for the whole rest of the ride.
And as I enjoyed the BUS songs from my past, I realized a few things…
I wrote about each period of life having its own magic. I believe break ups are no exception. In fact, I think the magic is even stronger during a break up. Here’s why.
When you’re broken up you’re suddenly faced with the reality of who you are. You get to make up the rules. You’re presented with an opportunity to recreate your life without someone to guide/shape/influence your decisions. You’re suddenly back at the wheel and you decide which course you take. If that’s not empowering AF I don’t know what else to say.
Once the significant other is gone you quickly realize the importance of friendship, mentorship, family. It’s true, with break ups you lose a significant support system and best friend. But when that’s taken away, your eyes become open to the people around you who have always and will always love you and support you. You can and will start to begin investing in meaningful relationships that aren’t romantic but will help you in different areas of your life. You also realize how awesome your BFFs are… I remember my first break up. My friends brought me Coldstone’s and we sat in the backyard and mourned. At that time the big BUS song was “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Fergie. And “A Little Too Late” by JoJo. And also “Tattoo” by Jordin Sparks. I’m telling you, once I start I can’t stop =]
And if you need a little extra encouragement (other than from your BFFS) ask people who have gone through it before! You might gain an amazing mentor or friend by just asking for their story. Break ups, although sucky, can ironically help you connect with others.
If all else fails, turn to the songs. Artists have a way of pulling at your feelings in the most perfect way. Throw yourselves in the songs and get lost. It’s okay because you know you’ll be okay in a little bit of time and someday you’ll be able to hear these songs and just remember but not be pulled back in emotionally.
The thing is, there’s no cure for break ups. No magical thing you can drink to forget or not feel the pain. But what I want to leave you with is that you will get to that point. For me, hearing the BUS – “Over You” by Ingrid Michaelson – a few years later and on my way to Beverly Hills, I was finally at that point. And it was glorious. You’ll get there too. Just keep becoming more you, keep creating meaningful relationships and stories for your life and you will be just fine. Allow yourself to be sad. Enjoy the sadness because it will pass. William Shakespeare said so. “This too shall pass.”
Always rooting for you!