i have this hope

I don’t talk about my faith as much as I want to. Even though it’s becoming the most important thing in my life. Maybe for fear of judgement or maybe it’s me not wanting to push it on people. Maybe because since I was born to when I was 19, I had a negative idea of Christians and “the religious” and ran the opposite way when they brought up God. What I realize now is it’s not about being religious at all. I didn’t grow up religious and am still not religious. But I do have a relationship with God. The God of the Universe. Jesus Christ. My hope, my strength, my reason for change.

I recently saw a picture of my old self. Not a photo, but heard stories that painted a picture of who I was. It wasn’t pretty. The picture I saw was someone who was self-centered, a little reckless, and kind of on a path to self-destruction. It was scary and sobering quite honestly, because I forgot. I began having a relationship with God in 2009 when I was 19 years old and slowly, I changed. It wasn’t until recently I was able to see just how much change happened since. I’m trying to pinpoint what I mean by change – and I think it might simply be this: I have this hope. I have this hope in God. I have this renewed mind. I have a new life, and I’m a new creation who is kinder to herself and to others. I’m so much lighter and filled with light. Change is inevitable because once you experience God’s love in a real way, you’re never the same. All that said I’m still far, far, far from perfect and am battling my own personal fights daily but all under the grace, love and mercy of God – thank God, really though.

The truth of the matter is God loves you. He loves you so much… and there’s an invitation specifically to you! That’s why I’m writing this – trust me I’m scared lol but if you’re reading this and reading all of this it’s probably for you to understand that he’s available and he’s open if you are. It could be going to church or starting an open and honest conversation with Him privately. I’m just so glad I answered yes to my invitation 8 years ago because it’s made all the difference. I have this hope.

we have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure (Hebrews 6:19)



empathy sickness

i’ve rediscovered i have “empathy sickness” and i’m having a hard time, lol. i know there are others like this out there. you might identify with it too: when someone says they suffer from something you begin to suffer from it too. or maybe your heart feels extra fragile and soft and malleable. or it could be you don’t know why you always feel so dang much.

in middle school i remember asking my friends to use a code word to describe a headache because when they said they had a headache i began to get one like clockwork.

i think it can be a strength, if controlled and applied with boundaries. but it’s also at times painful and confusing. so just wanted to put that out there. if this is you, i get it. i get your hurt of bearing other people’s hurt and pain. (because I have to, it’s my nature lol!!) but this song has been soothing to my soul lately and i hope it helps! light some candles and put on some eucalyptus essential oils. this is going to pass, whatever it is. leon bridges wrote this song in hopes it would be a “message of light” 

#musicmonday #empathy #pain